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Community Forums › Just For Fun › Jokes & Riddles-Clean Jokes Only › One for Biff.

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One for Biff.
Jokes are posted in fun and as the Heading suggests, only clean content allowed. So go on and have a laugh...

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Emmy
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Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 1000
Location: Scotland

PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 6:16 pm    Post subject: Re: One for Biff. Reply with quote

Oh if only this was true life would be sooooo good. no more dieting and to be able to eat chocolate whenever you wanted Smile Smile Smile
Emmy
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carnie
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Joined: Jul 12, 2007
Posts: 443
Location: Barnsley. South Yorks.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 2:27 am    Post subject: One for Biff. Reply with quote

DON'T KNOW WHAT DOCTOR WROTE THIS, BUT I LIKE HIM!

HEALTH QUESTION &ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming Whoo what a ride".

think
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nuccia
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Joined: Jul 10, 2007
Posts: 4367
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 2:50 am    Post subject: Re: One for Biff. Reply with quote

Oh this is real cute, Mike! I think I've used some of these arguments from time to time!

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nuccia
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Biff83
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Joined: Jul 10, 2007
Posts: 1263
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 4:37 am    Post subject: Re: One for Biff. Reply with quote

Mike,

I've got an appointment with my cardiologist in a couple of weeks. Think I'll copy that and give him a copy.

Biff

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nuccia
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Joined: Jul 10, 2007
Posts: 4367
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:19 am    Post subject: Re: One for Biff. Reply with quote

Be careful Biff..he may hire you as an adviser or mentor to others since I'm sure he'll be totally impressed with this! Wink

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