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Community Forums › Just For Fun › Jokes & Riddles-Clean Jokes Only › For all you parents!

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For all you parents!
Jokes are posted in fun and as the Heading suggests, only clean content allowed. So go on and have a laugh...

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Carole
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Location: Valtellina - Near Lake Como

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 6:25 pm    Post subject: For all you parents! Reply with quote

I Owe My Mother
****************

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! kiss

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nuccia
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Joined: Jul 10, 2007
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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 10:13 pm    Post subject: Re: For all you parents! Reply with quote

This is a Classic Carole! I really enjoyed reading it since it brought back soooooo many memories...

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liviomoreno
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Joined: Sep 08, 2007
Posts: 1134
Location: Rome (Italy)

PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 3:34 am    Post subject: Re: For all you parents! Reply with quote

How true it is!

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lilbees
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Joined: Nov 21, 2007
Posts: 754
Location: Georgia, USA

PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 9:50 am    Post subject: Re: For all you parents! Reply with quote

And I thought my mother was the only one who said those things! Great memories.....................

lilbees

P.S. I am sending a copy of this to my kids today. (even if they are all at or pushing 50 now) My grandkids give me a great deal of satisfaction in they are very much like their parents. LOVE IT !!!!!

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Emmy
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 7:05 pm    Post subject: Re: For all you parents! Reply with quote

Just loved that Carole I could just hear myself saying some of those phrases
Just reminded me of a note that one of the teachers received from a parent It said,'Please excuse Janet for being absent but she had to look after the other children because I've been under the Doctor for the past few days' Shocked
Emmy

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nuccia
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:44 pm    Post subject: Re: For all you parents! Reply with quote

Ha Ha..

That must have been funny! I can just imagine the look on your face.

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