A few Irish Jokes.

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he
had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up
to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me.
If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found
one."

Paddy was in New York
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on
a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and
shouted,
"Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood
on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the
tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye
let the Catholics across?"

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets
stopped for speeding in Connecticut The state trooper smells alcohol
on
the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of
the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord!
He's done it again!"

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was
dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He
quickly
phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say
I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin'
from?"