1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
' If you ' re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning. '

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
' You better pray that will come out of the carpet. '

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
' If you don ' t straighten up, I ' m going to knock you into the middle of next week! '

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
Because I said so, that ' s why. '

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
' If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you ' re not going to the store with me. '

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
' Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you ' re in an accident. '

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
' Keep crying, and I ' ll give you something to cry about. '

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
' Shut your mouth and eat your supper. '

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
' Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! '

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
' You ' ll sit there until all that spinach is gone. '

11. My mother taught me a bout WEATHER.
' This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. '

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
' If I told you once, I ' ve told you a million times. Don ' t exaggerate! '

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
' I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. '

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
' Stop acting like your father! '

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
' There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don ' t have wonderful parents like you do. '

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
' Just wait until we get home. '

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
' You are going to get it when you get home! '

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
' If you don ' t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way. '

19. My mother taught me ESP.
' Put your sweater on; don ' t you think I know when you are cold? '

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
' When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don ' t come running to me. '

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
' If you don ' t eat your vegetables, you ' ll never grow up. '

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
' You ' re just like your father. '

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
' Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? '

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
' When you get to be my age, you ' ll understand. '

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
' One day you ' ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

Good one Nuccia I just cant stop laughing
I can hear myself in lots of those.

Emmy

Oh I know. I was howling when I read this. Even Lou cracked a smile or two. I think I am developing Carnie syndrome -